Movies, books, and media in general have misrepresented therapy so much that it can often be difficult for us to know what to expect when entering into a therapeutic encounter. Let's start with what therapy is not:
Therapy is not a friendship. As much as we may build a close relationship with our therapists over time, the difference between a friendship and a therapeutic relationship is that a therapist is accountable to us and there to meet our specific needs. Therapy is not a casual relationship, and it is often not reciprocal in the way that a friendship is. For example, there aren't moments where we need to hold space for our therapist, but they are always there to hold space for us.
Therapy is not advice-giving. This is a common misconception. Many of us arrive to therapy with the expectation that we will receive advice or a list of things to do to turn our lives around. The problem with that is, how many times have we received or read advice, but it didn't help? That's because we hold the answers, within ourselves, to grow and change. Nobody, not even our therapist, has that information. Yes, they may, at times, have suggestions or offer helpful skills, but therapy isn't about giving advice.
Therapy is not a quick-fix. Unfortunately, nothing is. While it would be amazing if our therapists could fix all our problems within one or two sessions, that just isn't possible. If it were, everybody would be "fixed". Therapy is an intensive commitment, and requires time and momentum for changes to be felt or seen.
Therapy is not a place where you have to share everything. Although it is highly beneficial for us to share what's on our mind or weighing on us, it is nobody's place to force us to share. We share on our own timeline, and when we are ready. That's how true growth begins — our bodies and minds let us know when they are ready.
Now that we have those common misconceptions out of the way, let's talk about what therapy is:
Therapy is a collaborative relationship. Although the therapist may do a lot of the work, it is up to us to show up with what we want to work on and implement those changes or skills in our daily lives. Therapy takes place once a week for an hour, therefore it is important for us to utilise the rest of the time to maximise results. Therapy is about collaborating with the therapist to bring about change, but we are the experts of our lives and we know what journey we need to travel on in order to make this change happen.
Therapy is a safe space. Yes, we may be challenged and, yes, it may be tough at times, but therapy is ultimately our space to feel respected, heard, validated, and worked with, not on. Therapy is a judgement-free zone where someone is there to hear us and respect our autonomy.
Therapy is a place to heal. This may involve some uncomfortable growing pains, but the therapeutic space ultimately leads towards healing.
Therapy is a commitment. Sometimes time-intensive and emotionally-draining, therapy is a real commitment. We need to think about whether we are ready for that commitment, or admit when we are not.
Therapy is a place to let go. The space is ours, and we can cry, laugh, and talk about anything that we feel we need to. It is not a constrictive environment. Our therapist has probably heard it all, even though our situation is still unique to them. Therapy is the space where we can finally exhale and know that we are safe.
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